The Best Fishing Jokes on the Internet !
Showing 51-60 of 69 fishing jokes ranked by worst jokes
What do you call a deaf fishing boat captain?. .
What do you call a deaf fishing boat captain?
Anything you like, he can't hear you.
29th Jan 2003
The manager of a small business and his secretary
The manager of a small business and his secretary decided to go over to her place for some "gymnastics". Afterwards, they both fall asleep
When the manager wakes up and looks at his watch, he discovers that it is after 8 o'clock in the evening.
He jumps up in a panic wondering what he's going to say to his wife. He tells the secretary to quickly take his shoes out into the yard and rub them around in the grass. Then he finishes dressing and goes home.
When the man opens the door to the house, his wife is standing in the doorway fuming and asks him where the hell he's been until 8:30 in the evening?
The man calmly replies that he and his secretary are having an affair and that they had fallen asleep after going to her place this afternoon.
His wife looked at him very carefully and when she saw the state of his shoes, she exclaimed: "You liar, you've been FISHING!"
29th Jan 2003
A man was surf fishing along the beach when he ...
A man was surf fishing along the beach when he found a bottle. He looked around but didn't see anyone so he opened it
A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, "I am so grateful to get out of that bottle that I will grant you any wish, but I can only grant one."
The man thought for a while and finally said, "I have always wanted to go to Hawaii and fish along the beautiful beaches of Hawaii. I've never been able to go because I cannot fly. Airplanes are much too frightening for me. On a boat, I see all that water and I become very claustrophobic. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii."
The genie thought for a few minutes and finally said, "No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved. Consider all the piling needed to hold up a highway and how deep they would have to go to reach the bottom of the ocean. Imagine all the pavement needed. No, that really is just too much to ask."
The man thought for a few minutes and then told the genie, "There is one other thing I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with, when they want attention, when they don't. Basically, what makes them tick."
The genie thought for a while and said, "So, do you want two lanes or four?"
29th Jan 2003
A taxidermist was driving through Arkanas when he though he would stop at a local bar and have a beer.The locals didn't like outsiders in their bar and when he entered he was greeted with dirty stares and low mumbles.
He went to the bartender and ask for a beer.The bartender looked the man over and than went to get his beer. When the bartender returned with his beer he asked the man "what do you do?"
The man replied "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender replied "Taxidermist? what is that."
The man replied "Well,I mount animals,birds,and fish."
With that said the bartender turned to the other men in the bar and said "It's ok boys he's one of us".
7th Nov 2003
Two fishermen were talking about the good old days....
One says, "when I was a kid there were so many fish here I could always catch a few."
The other says, "when I was a kid here we used a horse and cart and got enough fish to sell at the market."
"How did you do that then?"
"Well, we had this good old horse and we used to back the cart down into the water and put treacle on his tail. The flies got stuck in the treacle and when the fish jumped out of the water for the flies that good old horse just kicked them into the cart. We had a load of fish in no time!"
20th Nov 2003
This fisherman goes to the river to check an illegal fish trap that he owns. He looks around to make sure there are no Fishing Inspectors about and proceeds to pull the fish trap out to check it.
An Inspector steps out of the bushes, "Ahha!" he said and the fisherman spun around and yelled "Shiiiit!". The Inspector, who wasn't expecting such a response said "Settle down, I'm the Fishing Inspector". "Thank God for that" said the fisherman, "I thought you were the bugger who owned this fish trap".
10th Dec 2003
There were these two men fishing. one was ...
There were two men fishing on the river one day. One was catching all these fish and the other wasn't catching anything.
The man not catching any fish walked over and asked what the other guy was using for bait.
The fisherman reeled in his bait and said "river otter."
22nd Mar 2004
Reasons Why Boats Are Better Than Women: ...
Reasons Why Boats Are Better Than Women:
Boats only need their fluids changed every year.
Boats curves never sag.
Boats last longer.
Boats don't get pregnant.
You can ride a Boat any time of the month.
Boats don't have parents.
Boats don't whine unless something is really wrong.
You can share your Boat with your friends.
If your Boat makes too much noise, you can buy a muffler.
You only need to get a new belt for your Boat when the old one is really worn.
If your Boat smokes, you can do something about it.
Boats don't care about how many other Boats you have ridden.
When riding, you and your Boat both arrive at the same time.
Boats don't care about how many other Boats you have.
Boats don't mind if you look at other Boats, or if you buy Boating magazines.
If your Boat is misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics to correct it.
You can have a beer while riding your Boat.
You don't have to be jealous of the guy that works on your Boat.
You don't have to deal with priests or blood-tests to register your Boat.
You don't have to convince your Boat that you're a Boater and that you think that all Boats are equals.
If you say bad things to your Boat, you don't have to apologise before you can ride it again.
You can ride a Boat as long as you want and it won't get sore.
Your parents don't remain in touch with your old Boat after you dump it.
Boats always feel like going for a ride.
Boats don't insult you if you are a bad boater.
Boats don't care if you are late.
You don't have to take a shower before riding your Boat.
It's always ok to use tie downs on your Boats.
If your Boat doesn't look good, you can paint it or get better parts.
You can't get diseases from a Boat you don't know very well.
16th Dec 2002
An American investment banker was at the pier of .
An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked.
Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.
The Mexican replied, "Only a little while."
The American then asked, "Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more fish?"
The Mexican said, "With this I have more than enough to support my family's needs."
The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life."
The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing; and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat: With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor; eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then Los Angeles and eventually New York where you will run your ever-expanding enterprise."
The Mexican fisherman asked, "But, how long will this all take?"
To which the American replied, "15 to 20 years."
"But what then?" asked the Mexican.
The American laughed and said that's the best part. "When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions."
The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."
16th Dec 2002
Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river .
Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."
"We don't have any." replied the first blonde.
"Well, if your going to fish, you need fishing licenses." said the Game Warden.
"But officer," replied the second blonde,"we aren't fishing. All we have are magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the ottom of the river."
The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, the Game Warden left.
As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are steelhead in this river?!"
16th Dec 2002
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